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  1. #1
    Dislikes Things NegroCollegeFund's Avatar
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    i couldnt choose between "Maybe I'm fucking retarded" or " 2 hours in the life of negro"

    So stuff happens and im lazy sometimes. Forums have been out of date by a fraction of a version for a little while. Well i guess the site updated itself to PHP 5.6, which doesnt support our current forums (technically i think its actually the reverse- our vb dont support PHP 5.6 but that is an argument for fags, nerds, and turdherders) OK so anyway

    So the natural decision?

    "Gee i should fucking update this shit" so there i go into the digital sunset to download some shit. But before i can download it, i must LOG IN. I hate logging in to anything but whatever. I stick my left arm 35 inches deep into my anus and grab a 16" x 16" piece of cardboard i store there with all my passwords and stuff. So i try to log in so i can get this update. Nope. shit aint biting. so i go to an email and see like 4 password resets from every single time i had to download an update.

    So i go to the site again, hit forgot password, and wait.

    and wait





    wait


    complain to hurp

    wait

    45 minutes later im like ok fuck this shit. or maybe 45 minutes later i simply passed out in my chair.

    That was just the back story!

    So today i get home and im like "lets see if those fucking password resets ever occured!" some of them did. I hit the newest one and it doesnt do shit- opens a blank ass page. i hit the one below it (chronologically older) and it opens a page saying that request had expired. pfft. click the first one again. THAT one has expired. so i request once more and spam refresh on my email. practically instantly it arrives. i assume this means yesterdays shenanigans have subsided. WRONG. So i click the shitty link and NOTHING HAPPENS. Since digital things are like mechanical things, i decided that PRESSING IT A LOT would definitely help resolve my issue. so i laid into the password reset. But as the day prior, no response. the emotions i felt at this point granted me enough experience to achieve level 2, and i learned the special attack 'contact support'.

    So i start looking into how the fuck i can physically tell a human that im pissed off. i find that avenue and start my journey. Gotta log into email, figure out how to send them, remember the address and put it in the recipient's field, take associated screen shots like i do cause thats how i roll, compose words that wont get auto deleted. So i write this lovely piece of email right here:

    for the full story, please visit yourmom.corn

  2. #2
    Dislikes Things NegroCollegeFund's Avatar
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    Spoiler! Show
    --PLEASE read this email in its entirety before responding--


    as a long time pc user ive found that many support departments do not actually READ the tickets they receive to the point of actual comprehension. please take the time necessary to actually understand my issue and how to rectify it. Ticket begins below:
    -------------------------------


    im super frustrated and im going to try to not be unacceptable in this email


    all i want to do is download the new version of vb4 cause of the php 5.5 changes to preg_replace e/


    after requesting 4 password resets and numerous failures to login yesterday, i gave up after 45 minutes of waiting for ANY of those emails to come through.


    today, 2 of those requests received replies. one was expired, most likely because of the 2nd one, and the 2nd one simply redirects to an empty page with an address of https://www.vbulletin.com/en/custome...angeforgotten/


    maybe it was somehow an issue on my end, so i tried in multiple browsers to no avail.


    i then tried a few more "password forgot" or whatever they were to further disappointment.


    so for the past 48 hours ive been trying to download software i paid $260 to license. meanwhile, i could have simply circumvented your site's DRM and found a torrent of this software and installed that using my customer number since i technically am licensed to use it anyway.. because i am honest and unwilling to do such things, here i am begging for access to a download that cost me 260 dollars.


    please fix whatever or just send me the current vb4 4.2.3 in a zip file so i can download this damn thing and end these errors and go back to php 5.5 since ive had to downgrade my whole site to php 5.4 to prevent the errors from spamming my users.


    i just want to upgrade from 4.2.2 to 4.2.3 and it shouldnt take multiple automated requests and an open ticket. that is unacceptable and frustrating to me.


    i do not desire a 20 email back and forth dialog asking if my router is plugged in and if i tried to reset my password. I want to resolve this issue as simply as possible because i believe it is unnecessary and unacceptable. in conclusion, what i seek from you is ANY ONE of these individual solutions:


    A) a new password, given in a fashion that allows me to completely avoid your awful automated password recovery system


    B) the most recent version of your vb 4.2.3 software in the form of an attachment or a hyperlink which does not require me to interact with your website's login system


    C) a dvd, cd-rom, usb drive or 5000 floppy discs containing the vb 4.2.3 installation i am licensed to operate, delivered to my billing address on my license


    D) timely repairs to your password recovery system so that the next time i try to recover my password, the process succeeds, in addition to an immediate temporary password delivered via email so i can access my account without any further unnecessary hurdles and change the password myself.


    E) to have my password manually changed to 'butts' so that i can go in and change it to a more secure passphrase myself.


    i am willing to send you any information you require to accelerate any form of resolution, be it account numbers, credit card info, hair follicles or my wife. might throw her in, regardless of success.


    please.


    thank you in advance,
    ########



    I press send. i get an error.

    You might find your self wondering, if you are actually autistic enough to have read this far, "WHAT THE FUCK IS THE ERROR? THE SUSPENSE IS FATAL!" Well you wont be dying slow tonight cause im gonna tell you right now: "The message you attempted to send was determined to be spam. Please visit http://www.##########/spamfaq for more information."

    What did you say bitch nigga?

    "The message you attempted to send was determined to be spam. Please visit http://www.##########/spamfaq for more information."

    Holy fuck. Since im already balls deep in a support ticket email that i can't send, i may as well open a support ticket with my email provider regarding the support ticket i cant send via my email. But why wait for a reply when you can CHAT NOW?!

    Spoiler! Show





    [tech](17:35:11): Thank you for contacting ########## repair support. My name is [tech]. May I confirm your telephone number as ##########?
    [negro] (17:35:17): that is accurate
    [tech](17:35:27): Thank you for the confirmation.
    [tech](17:35:32): How may I assist you?
    [negro] (17:35:45): i am trying to send an email, and it says this "
    554 5.7.1 The message you attempted to send was determined to be spam. Please visit http://www.##########/spamfaq for more information. "
    [negro] (17:35:57): who is making this determination
    [negro] (17:36:21): i want to let them know that it isnt spam or i wouldnt be sending it
    [tech](17:37:41): I am sorry, please try to send again and let me know.
    [tech](17:38:01): Please click on compose and try to send once again.
    [negro] (17:39:13): i have followed your instructions exactly and am met with the error "
    554 5.7.1 The message you attempted to send was determined to be spam. Please visit http://www.##########/spamfaq for more information. "
    [tech](17:39:38): Okay let me check with the email server team on this issue
    [tech](17:39:43): Please stay connected on the chat
    [negro] (17:39:50): understood
    [tech](17:44:35): were you able to send the email before or is this the first time you are trying to send?
    [negro] (17:44:54): i couldnt tell you the last time i tried to send an email, it is a rare event
    [negro] (17:45:09): i was trying to open a support ticket for software i iuse
    [negro] (17:45:14): and encountered this
    [negro] (17:45:34): it could be the first email ive tried to physically send in years
    [tech](17:46:14): Oh okay
    [tech](17:46:24): Our email server team is checking on this issue
    [tech](17:48:09): Please send the spam email to spamdetector.update@##########
    [negro] (17:48:34): you are aware this is an email i personally composed
    [negro] (17:48:47): which may or may not contain sensitive information regarding my support ticket
    [negro] (17:49:30): bearing this in mind, do you still recommend i forward my email to this device
    [negro] (17:49:51): considering that it could contain credit card info, social security info, or other sensitive data
    [tech](17:50:27): I completely understand but The only way to clear it is to send to spamdetector.update@########## or remove the item that is causing it to be flagged as spam.
    [negro] (17:51:04): before i commit to sending my personal data to a 3rd party software, can you perhaps iterate to me what conditions might result in flagging
    [negro] (17:51:38): incase i might be able to diagnose the issue myself
    [tech](17:52:53): It is usually an email address or a link in the signature in the email.
    [tech](17:53:38): Sometimes it could be the attachment name.
    [negro] (17:53:40): i shall reformat my email and attempt once more, should take approximately 47 seconds for me to notify you if i have succeeded
    [tech](17:54:05): Okay I will be here
    [negro] (17:54:33): i have successfully sent my email following the removal of a link to a picture related to my support ticket
    [negro] (17:55:04): i am happy to have resolved my issue but i find it alarming that i am unable to send links to pictures on my email
    [negro] (17:55:06): why
    [negro] (17:55:29): it was a picture on my site that i pay for, of something regarding my email
    [negro] (17:56:18): as a result of this, important information regarding my support ticket was not able to be relayed as planned
    [tech](17:56:33): Not sure why. It may have been the name of it.
    [negro] (17:56:36): i understand that it is not your fault so i cant expect an answer from you
    [negro] (17:57:06): but i hope that you would pass on this information to someone who might pass it to someone who can bring this issue forward
    [tech](17:57:31): I will escalate this issue to the email support team, they will work on the issue offline and will get back to you with the complete information.
    [tech](17:57:51): Please help me with the best number to reach you
    [negro] (17:57:54): im amazed that im restricted in what i can email
    [negro] (17:58:22): the best place to reach me would be my cell phone but im not really that committed to the issue im just bummed
    [negro] (17:58:34): like i dont pay enough to send links
    [negro] (17:58:36): come on
    [negro] (17:58:57): but im not some old lady i dont wanna spend hours on the phone crying either
    [tech](17:59:37): Please help me with the number to reach you, Our email server team will get back to you with the resolution on this issue.
    [tech](18:00:07):
    The following actions can lead to an e-mail being returned as spam...
    [negro] (18:00:11): ##########
    [tech](18:00:16): .Sending an e-mail to a party who has not requested correspondence
    .Sending advertisements through the residential e-mail platform
    .Sending a message that's already been reported as spam
    .Using micro-advertisements in signature blocks (this includes phone numbers, fax numbers, e-mail addresses, etc.)
    .Using URLs in signature blocks
    [tech](18:00:22): Thank you
    [negro] (18:00:27): its a ######### cell phone ive had for nearly 12 years
    [tech](18:01:03): Oh great
    [negro] (18:01:23): my email was sent so my immediate issue was resolved
    [tech](18:01:43): Please send email to spamdetector.update@##########
    [negro] (18:01:43): im still upset at the fact that a link in my email resulted in my email not being sent
    [tech](18:01:58): unfortunately sometimes valid emails get stopped by the spamdetector
    [tech](18:02:08): To get it cleared in our system, yes, that is the only way by sending it to the spamdetector.
    [negro] (18:02:41): i am also unwilling to send an email that may contain sensitive data regarding licensing of software not pertinent to this discussion to a third party analization tool
    [negro] (18:02:54): it was a support ticket for expensive software
    [negro] (18:03:14): im unwilling to sent it to a bot to get analyzed for criteria
    [negro] (18:03:42): would you send your tax information to it if you were asked to
    [negro] (18:03:47): or social security
    [negro] (18:03:52): i hope that you understand my reaction
    [negro] (18:04:12): thank you for your help, i did manage to get my ticket out despite the missing info
    [tech](18:04:34): I am really for not being much helpful on this issue
    [negro] (18:04:34): you may offer me the obligatory questionarre
    [negro] (18:04:48): i will rate you high since i cant blame you for this
    [tech](18:05:03): One min
    [tech](18:05:34): I have documented the issue, I have escalated the issue to the email server team.
    [tech](18:05:59): They will work offline and will definitely get back to you with a resolution.
    [negro] (18:06:36): i understand
    [tech](18:07:12): I am really sorry for the inconvenience, I understand how important it is for you to send an email.
    [negro] (18:07:26): i appreciate you effort and i do not envy your position
    [tech](18:08:01): Thank you so much for understanding [negro]
    [tech](18:08:16): Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
    [tech](18:08:26): I have one last question. How was your overall Experience with ######### so far?
    [negro] (18:08:35): i love this service
    [negro] (18:08:49): this is probably the only time ive been actually *** off
    [negro] (18:09:08): cell phone since 03 and tv internet since like 06
    [tech](18:09:43): Sorry to know that, You are a valuable customer. So I will not let this happen again..
    [tech](18:10:03): I will personally follow up on this ticket.
    [tech](18:10:38): And I will make sure email server team will bring up a resolution to this.
    [negro] (18:10:42): i appreciate that. i understand theres conditions where a user might get compromised, and spam is a possibility, but i was just amazed once we figured out my link was the issue
    [negro] (18:11:07): it is a feature intended to protect which ffected me negatively and resulted in my hostility
    [tech](18:11:33): Yes I understand
    [negro] (18:11:38): hopefully they might be able to hone it in a bit more so that actual emails arent affected
    [negro] (18:11:45): thank you kindly for all your efforts
    [tech](18:12:10): You are most welcome sir. You have a great weekend.
    [negro] (18:12:15): likewise
    [tech](18:12:30): Is there anything else that I can assist you with?
    [negro] (18:12:45): na i think im good atm
    [tech](18:13:06):
    Help is always available on your computer either at ########.com or with ######### on your TV by pressing menu on your ###### remote to access customer support. Thank you for being a loyal ###### customer.


    Thank you for contacting ########. Have a nice day!


    And with that, I have successfully opened a ticket with vbulletin claiming that i am unable to login to download the software. Perhaps there will be an exciting chapter three, 72 hours into this endeavor of 'downloading a file ive downloaded before'

    so there you have it, "am i retarded?" "its 2 hours in the life of negro." imagine if i had MORE than 0 players how much more tedious it could be?

  3. #3
    Basbo Bibbins Walrus's Avatar
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    that was a great read, thanks negro

  4. #4
    Dislikes Things NegroCollegeFund's Avatar
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    for the record, vb did manually edit my shit and sent it to me, and now i just need to actually install what i downloaded

    in like a week lol

  5. #5
    US Ambassador to Dumbassland McFool's Avatar
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    Get Lastpass: https://lastpass.com/

    Select one secure password for everything

    Get google authenticator on phone

    connect

    Enjoy security and lack of 16x16 ass pass master list

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